Helplessness
by saphirefox-irl
Summary: Helplessness: Snape, on the point of insanity, and a young Draco together in a cell. Sequal, Desperation and Hope: A rag-tag group struggles to survive in a world where the the dark side has won.
1. Helplessness

Written before the last book came out.  
Voldermort killed Harry when he was a baby and has won the war. This is set a few years latter. I don't want to give too much away. If anyone's confused let me know and I'll expand this summary.

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"Can you make it go away?" he asks me. "No," I reply. "I'm sorry."

He seems so tiny. Despite the pain I wrap my arms around him and pull him close. He's sobbing slightly. I wonder how old he is now. He looks so much like his father. The same hair. The same skin. Almost the same eyes. Yet already I know he will not grow up to be a monster. Most likely, he will not grow up at all.

He's sleeping when they come. But he wakes quickly, looking like a wide eyed little doll, like a fallen angel. He screams when they start to beat me. A backhanded slap to the face sends him tumbling down into a corner. Blood mixes with tears on his face. I want to join him. Maybe together we'd have enough tears to drown this cell... this building... this world. But I've forgotten how to cry.

Hurts. Have to remember to breath. I wish he hadn't seen that. Not that he hasn't seen worse... Little angel. But a child of the devil. I'd have saved you if I could have. But I couldn't even save myself. He asks me if I'm ok. I don't know how to answer. I became numb to the physical pain when I was younger than he is now. But the other pain... I could never manage not to care about that. And its so bad I want to tear out my insides. I don't want to lie to him. So I don't answer. He crawls across the floor to me. I notice all the scars on his fragile little body. I wanted to protect you. I wanted to bring you to someplace safe. But I've never stood a chance against them and there is nowhere safe.

He watches as they hold me down. I'm biting right through my tongue. But I'm theirs. The mark on my arm says so. And they can do what they want. I can't stop them. I'm not supposed to try.

Someone else enters the cell, a man with hair so fair it's almost white, and I know the pain's about to get worse. The beautiful deamon cups his son's chin, too roughly, then drops him to the ground. The the deamon smiles at me. Then I'm screaming and I can't stop.

He's crying. I stroke his pale, pale hair. I wanted to laugh with you in the sunshine, to see you climb a tree and learn the names of the flowers. But they kept us in the shadows. I'm so sorry. I can't unlock your chains or mine. I don't have the key. Even if I did I couldn't turn it with all my fingers broken. I can't move them anymore. I'm sorry. I wanted to keep you safe. I didn't want you hurt like I was. I think back to what he asked me: "Can you make this world go away? Can you make it go away?"


	2. Desperation part1

I got lots of requests to extend this story so here it is. Sorry I took so long.

I've changed the background to this fic a bit: Harry's not dead but after killing his parents Voldemort regained his body in a much shorter time than in the cannon universe (within the year.) Enjoy.

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Severus lay on the floor, struggling to breath as the latest cruciates curse ended. Lucious bent over him and, gripping his hair, pulled his head up. He was smiling, a twisted insane smile. In the corner only a foot or so away Draco was crying.

The door opened and Notts entered the room. "You need to come upstairs," he said to the other death eater. "Bella's found out where the Potter boy is. We're going there tonight." Wide black eyes watched the exchange and as Lucious released his grip and stated to straighten a pale boney hand shot out and grabbed the wand from his robe pocket. He spun around in shock but before he could act Severus had got a hold of Draco and apperated them both away.

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They appeared in an alleyway. Draco screamed in fright and confusion. Snape sucked in ragged gasping lungfuls of air. His skin was as white as a sheet and he looked only inches from death. Shaking violently he crawled to the young boy and wrapped his arms around him. "What's happening?" whispered the child.

"It's ok, no it's not... but we have to get the boy. They can't kill him..." He struggled to his feet, swayed but didn't fall. "Come with me. It's not far."

He led them out onto a suburban street. It must once have been an attractive well maintained neighbourhood but now many of the houses were boarded up. One was burnt to the ground. They stopped outside a residence no different to any of the others. Severus pressed the doorbell, broken finger bending unnaturally as he did so. A moment passed. A tall, thin woman answered the door, fear evident on her face. "I have to take the child away from here." The wizard said.

She screamed. "Not my Dudley please!"

"No... Harry."

Her face showed surprised. "How did you...? I remember you. You were Lilly's friend, that Snape boy."

"I have to take Harry away from here," he repeated.

She disappeared into the house, returning a few moments latter pushing a scrawny child in front of her. He was dressed in a stained t-shirt that hung off him like a tent and a faded pair of blue mickey-mouse shorts. There was a bruise on his cheek and a nasty scald on his right leg. He stared at the two strangers with frightened green eyes.

"We did what you asked," Petunia said defensively, "we hid him."

Severus took hold of Harry's narrow wrist with one hand and Draco with the other. "You should leave. They're coming," he said. Then the three of them disappeared.

They apperated somewhere deep in a forest. Severus' legs buckled and he collapsed. "Sev'us?" Draco asked, obviously afraid. Snape didn't answer but after a few moments managed to push himself up on his elbows. Blood was flowing steading from his nose and his eyes were blank with exhaustion. "Where are we?" Asked the child.

He struggled to catch his breath. "Somewhere safe, no, we have to hide, but not here..." He tried to stand and stumbled. His ankled twisted in such a way that it had to be broken but he hardly seemed to notice. "This way," he said, weaving an unsteady but purposeful path through the trees. After a few meters he stopped abruptly and ducked inside the barely visible entrance to a cave. The two young boys hurried after him.

The cave was about two meters across and six deep. The ceiling was low, slanting down towards the far end where water trickled down the walls. Snape slumped in a corner, head resting on his knees and eyes closed. Harry and Draco stood examining each other, interested but wary. "Hello," the black haired boy finally said.

"Hello. Who are you?"

"My name's Harry."

"I'm Draco." He sat down on the ground.

"Do you know what's happening?"

He shook his head.

"We're hiding." Severus interrupted without looking up.

There was a long pause before Harry asked quietly, do you know who we're hiding from?"

The blond boy nodded. "The Death Eaters. They come and hurt us 'cause we're bad but Sev'us made us disappear and then we got you and came here."

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After a week they had moved farther than a few meters from the mouth of the cave only once, to gather nuts and berries for food. The two children, though originally uncertain of each other had become friends. They would sit together, talking and drawing pictures in the dirt. At night all three of them would sleep huddled together for comfort and protection from the cold. Draco was trapped between Harry and Snape when the footsteps woke him.

His eyes shot open instantly. Footsteps ment pain. Severus was tense beside him, already awake and gripping his stolen wand. Whoever it was was coming closer, dead leaves crunching beneath their shoes. The boy stared wide eyed at the entrance to their cave. The footsteps stopped. A man ducked through and turned to look at them.

He was slightly built with light brown hair and warm but worn and patched clothing. His face was scarred and clearly showed surprise. He replaced his drawn wand into his pocket. "Snape?" he asked.

"What are you doing here Lupin?"

"It is you! I knew there was someone in the forest but you were captured years ago, I thought you were dead. When did you escape, what are you doing here and who are the children?"

"We're hiding. They found out where Harry was. I had to hide him."

There was something wrong about Snape's answer, hinting that the thought process behind it was not entirely rational but Remus didn't have time to think about that, the words had sunk in. "Harry?" He crouched down. "Is that James' son?"

Harry, awake now too, looked up at the werewolf. "Did you know my daddy?" he asked in a shy voice.

Remus smiled but there were tears in his eyes. "Yes, yes I did." The child stared up at him in amazement. "And I'll tell you all about him and your mother too but first we've got to get the three of you out of this cave."

"We have to stay here," Severus insisted. "They can't find him"

"You'll die if you stay here Snape." He motioned to the children, "And so will they. I have a hut nearby. It's safe there."

Snape considered for a minute, then tried to push himself upright. Lupin reached out, "let me help you." The dark haired wizard flinched from the touch.

"You're sure it's safe?" he asked, when he'd caught his breath.

"Yes."


	3. Desperation part2

Sorry for the short chapter this time but I thought it was better than a really long(er) wait. Another character will be introduced in the next part.

Thanks to Whithound (I love your stories!), Risi and Buttermack for the reviews.

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The hut was less than a mile's walk yet it took over an hour to reach it. Lupin unlocked the door and let them in.

Inside was very basic. There was one bed with a thin mattress, a wood burning stove, a rough wooden table and chairs and a few cabinets.

Remus led Severus to the bed, carefull only to touch his sleeve as physical contact caused him to start. His face was drawn and expressionless with exhaustion and he fell asleep almost instantly. Turning to the young boys the werewolf tried his best to give a reassuring smile. "Let's get you something to eat, will we?"

Draco had to be lifted onto his chair. He weighed next to nothing.

Remus heated some rabbit stew he had made the day before. When the meal was finished he set to examining the children's injuries. Harry wasn't too bad, just some fading bruises but Draco had a broken arm and the scars of whippings on his back. Neither had suitable clothes, certainly not for the coming winter. But that was a concern for latter, now they needed sleep. Lupin found some spare blankets and made up a bed on the floor. The boys cuddled together in a little ball. "Thank you sir," Harry murmured sleepily.

Severus woke with a strangled cry and started to shake. "It's alright," Remus said flatly, helping him to sit.

"The children?" he questioned.

"They're in pretty bad shape but they'll live. At the moment I'm more worried about you. What _happened_Snape?"

For a moment he said nothing, simply breathing slowly. "When... I was captured, Riddle, he said death was too good for traitors. He wanted me to suffer." He laughed, somewhat manically, though this soon gave way to a coughing fit. After a minute or so he began again. "Draco was thrown in the cell with me when Lucious decided he wasn't Death Eater material. He was four or five."

"How did you get out?"

"I think it was a few days ago, I'm not sure anymore. They said they'd found Harry, they were going to go that night to kill him. I stole a wand and apperated."

"Then you got Harry and went to the forest to hide?"

He nodded.

Remus filled a mug with water from a barrel and helped Snape to drink. "I need to check your injuries, ok?"

Severus said nothing so the other man took this for consent. Carefully he removed to upper portion of the Slitherine's shredded robes. He bit down on his lower lip and closed his eyes. Snape was a mess. He couldn't do much more than clean the fresher wounds. Weather or not he would survive was questionable.


	4. Desperation part3

Sorry it took me so long to write this part. Hope people enjoy it. Thank you .I.m and Indigo1100 for you're reviews!

Harry and Draco sat outside, a few meters from the open door of the shack, playing with a collection of sticks and stones. "This is a car," said Harry, "brmmm brmmm!"

"Wha's a car?" asked the other boy.

"A muggle thing. It goes brmm brmmm!"

"Oh. F'ther doesn't like muggles. Or me," he added after a moment's thought.

"I like you," Harry assured him.

"Thanks. I like 'ou too."

The dark haired boy handed his friend a stone. "This can be your car."

"Look!" Draco interrupted, pointing into the undergrowth, "a dog." Indeed, a large black dog stood watching them from behind a bushy ash. Standing, the blond boy approached the creature. "Here Doggie," he coaxed. "Come here, we won't hurt you."

"Be careful!" Harry called, watching nervously, "Don't get too close."

"It's ok." He patted the dog's head. "Dogs are friendly."

Uncertainly, Harry stood and joined his companion. He was wary of dogs but this one did indeed seem friendly. Reaching out he gently touched one of its ears. It was soft! He smiled in delight and the dog wagged its tail happily.

"I told you he's friendly."

The dog played with the two children for over an hour but when it heard Remus call them for dinner it disappeared into the forest. He came back the next day and the next, but always left before the werewolf could see him.

Remus knew within one day of finding him that Snape was no longer sane. He supposed after seven years in Voldermort's dungeons there was no way he could be. Still he'd dared to hope. Now he wondered if there was hope for any of them.

Severus lay on the bed, motionless but for the constant tremors running through his body. Draco had curled up beside him, eyes closed, sucking absently on his thumb.

"Do you want to go play?" Harry asked.

"Maybe later," the blond haired boy replied.

Harry walked outside, the clothing Remus had given him far too large for his small frame. It occurred to werewolf just how young these two boys were. He wondered if they'd live to see another year of life. He draped a second blanket over Severus and Draco. The potions master started and looked up with glazed eyes. "Lupin?"

"That's right."

"I forgot…" he trailed off. "When's the full moon?" he asked suddenly.

"In a week. Don't worry; I have a cage out the back."

Severus' head fell back to the bed and he closed his eyes. After a moment Remus moved to the window to check on Harry. He froze. Harry was playing with a large black dog, a large black Remus knew very well indeed. He ran to the door, wand in hand. "Reducto!" he screamed, a blast of blue-white light shooting out to hit the dog in the right flank. It yelped and scrambled to its feet, a patch of fur singed clean off.

"Get away from him!" Lupin shouted. "Get away! If I see you here again I'll kill you! Do you understand me? I'll kill you!"

With a final look back, the dog ran into the forest.


	5. Desperation part4

Thank you for the reviews! They really encourage me to write. I know this part is short but I thought I'd post it anway. :)

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The first night of the full moon arrived and, instructing the boys not to venture outside, Remus locked himself into the steel cage hidden behind the hut. The sky darkened and the change came. He screamed as bones lengthened and muscles stretched. Gradually the screams faded, replaced by howls. Within the rough cabin Harry and Draco climbed into the small bed beside Severus. He wrapped skeleton-thin arms around the children but could think of nothing to say to comfort them. His own eyes were wide with remembered fear as the terrible sounds filled the air.

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In the morning Remus returned, looking pale and drawn, his face bloody from tearing at his own skin. Harry stared. His expression showing fear but also concern, he crawled from the bed. "Are you ok Mr. Remus?" he asked in a small voice.

"I'm fine Harry," Lupin replied but his eyes betrayed his exhaustion. He slumped into his one – well worn – arm chair and was soon asleep.

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Remus woke in the midafternoon looking little better. The day had turned stormy and cold. He heated some soup for the others but ate none himself. He locked himself into the cage for the second night.

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The two boys were in the bed with Severus once more when an almighty crash sounded over the frantic howls and the pounding rain. Snape tensed. A triumphant howl came from outside, followed moments later by violent scratching at the door. "Hide!" Severus ordered the children, his voice a frantic whisper. The scratching grew louder, the door starting to shake. "Hide now!"

Harry scrambled from the bed, pulling Draco behind him. The blonde boy was frozen by shock and fear. He stared at his godfather with wide eyes that took in nothing. Harry threw open a cupboard, tossing its contents on the floor. He clambered inside, still tugging the other child by the wrist, and pulled the door shut.

Half sitting in the bed Severus gripped his stolen wand. His hands were shaking but his mouth was set in a firm line. The scrabbling at the door suddenly stopped. One second passed, two. The window exploded inwards as the werewolf burst into the room amid a shower of broken glass.

"Stupify!" shouted the dark haired man. A bolt of light shot from the wand, hitting the enormous creature but he simply shrugged it off. The wolf leapt forward onto the bed, knocking the wand from his hands.


	6. Desperation part5

Happy New Year!

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Severus stared up at the yellow eyes of the werewolf perched atop him, not even daring to breath. It growled. The potion master knew he was going to die. The first time he had seen Remus in this form he had been sure the creature would kill him. He had escaped then. Now it seemed the time had finally come. The wolf's breath was hot on his face. There was nothing of the man in his eyes only the beast. Snape waited for the strike.

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Suddenly the creature yelped as a flying object collided with its head. It spun around, seeing at the same moment Severus did Harry standing on top of a cupboard, a second plate in his hands ready to be thrown. The child looked terrified but determined. The wolf growled and lunged for him. The dish smashed against its face. Stunned, it stopped and shook its head before continuing to advance on the boy. "No!" shouted Snape. Harry had to live! The wolf did not pause. The child scrambled through the broken window and ran for the forest, werewolf in hot pursuit.

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Quickly retrieving his wand, Severus forced his protesting body to stand. Ordering Draco to remain hidden, he unlocked the door and hurried toward the tree line.

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Harry ran between the trees and bushes as fast as his small legs would carry him. The cold air burned in his throat. His heart was beating so fast he was afraid it would burst through his chest. He could hear the terrifying monster chasing him. He didn't know that it was Remus. He didn't even know **what **it was. But he knew it was dangerous. He couldn't let it eat Severus, the first adult who'd ever been nice to him but now he was sure it was going to eat him instead! It was crashing through the undergrowth, gaining on him with every bounding step. Any moment he knew it would catch him. Catching sight of a low hanging branch Harry jumped for it and swung himself up. Quickly he clambered up onto the next branch and the next, trying to put himself out of reach of the creature below. Mere seconds after he had begun to climb it burst into view. With a growl it leapt for him, coming close enough to scrape his ankle with one clawed paw. The smell of blood seemed to excite it more and it jumped again and again as Harry frantically climbed higher. Ten feet from the ground however the trunk of the tree became bare, the next branch sprouting far out of the boy's reach. In a frenzy the wolf jumped repeatedly, tearing the bark from the tree, each time coming closer to Harry.


	7. Desperation part6

Gripping onto the rough trunk of a tree, a werewolf clawing at his heels, trying to pull him to the ground, Harry was on the verge of a panic attack. The shallow cuts on his feet and lower legs were bleeding freely, the branch on which he stood becoming slick with blood. The wolf jumped again, higher this time, catching Harry's leg and pulling it sharply to one side. His balance gone the boy fell, hitting the Earth with a thud. Winded, he stared upwards as the blue sky was replaced by the snarling face of a ravenous monster. A heavy paw landed on his chest. Harry squeezed his eyes shut. Then, just as the huge jaws were about to snap closed, there was a whoosh of air and the weight flew from his chest. He opened his eyes.

A large black dog rolled on the ground with the werewolf. It was the same dog with which he and Draco had played before Remus had chased the animal away. Briefly Harry thought of the brown haired man who had told him of his parents. Had the monster killed him? Would it kill the dog too? The dark animal snapped and growled at the wolf, attempting to exert dominance over a creature twice its size. Abruptly the level of danger which he was in dawned on Harry and he scrambled back up the tree. Oblivious to him now, the wolf continued to fight the smaller canine. Both were bleeding. Harry was terrified, sure that dog would die and he would then follow. He forced himself not to look away as the fight continued. From the corner of his eye he caught a movement. His vision was poor, worse in the pre-dawn darkness, still he recognized the dark haired man who had taken him from the Dursleys'.

Severus raised his wand. "Immobilus!" he shouted. He sank to his knees, exhausted, blood slowly trickling from his nose but the wolf froze in place. It had been inches from ripping out the dog's throat.

Harry stood very still, unsure of what was happening as the black dog got to its feet and then seemed to stretch upwards, transforming rapidly into a man. He had wild black hair and wore a ragged coat over the striped uniform of a prisoner. His face was gaunt, the look in his eyes just this side of sanity. He rushed over to the fallen wizard. "Snape," he demanded, "are you alright?"

Severus blinked, then laughed just slightly. "No Black," he replied, "I'm not alright but are any of us?" After a moment in which Sirius did not reply he asked, "help me to stand?" The animagus obliged and they returned to the immobilized werewolf and the tree in which Harry had taken refuge.

"Harry," Sirius called, "it's ok, you can come down now."

"You… you were a dog." The child replied, still gripping the tree trunk, confusion evident on his face. "What… who are you?"

"I'm a wizard, like you Harry. My name is Sirius Black. I'm your godfather."

Cautiously the young boy descended the tree. Moments after he had reached the ground, the first rays of sunlight breached the horizon. The wolf twisted, its flesh seeming to warp and boil as bones changed shape and fur vanished. Within seconds the form resolved itself into that of a naked young man, bleeding from several minor wounds.

Harry stared in shock, unable to comprehend that the terrifying monster and the kind Remus were one and the same.

Sirius took a wand from his pocket. "Finate Incantatum," he said and Lupin slumped to the ground, no longer held rigid. He slipped off his mud stained coat and draped it around the other man's shoulders. Remus looked up at the man who had once been his friend with apprehension, gratitude and what might have been hope.


	8. Hope part1

Sorry I took so long to update. Hopefully I'll be quicker next time. Here's the chapter:

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"I didn't betray James," Black told Remus, taking a seat at the table beside the werewolf.

Draco was crying, hugging Snape tighly. Harry stood, watching the exchange between Lupin and the animagus.

"You were their secret keeper," replied Remus.

"No. Peter was the secter keeper. Peter betrayed them."

Remus looked up, some life returning to his eyes. "Is that why you killed him?" he asked, "and those muggles?"

"I didn't kill anyone Mooney."

"He's telling the truth," Severus stated, words void of emotion. "Petigrew is alive. He was one of my regular 'visitors' in Riddle's dungeon."

Remus broke down, it was too much to process, too fast. He burried his face in his arms. Still wearing Sirius' coat he found himself surrounded by Black's scent. "Padfoot... Padfoot I'm so sorry. All these years..." He was cut off by thin dirt stained arms encircling him. He grasped his friend desperately, mumbling apologies over and over again.

"It's ok," Sirius whispered, "it's ok Mooney."

"What happened?" Remus asked when he finally pulled away. "Sirius what happened?"

"We thought no one would ever suspect Peter could be the secret keeper but the cowardly rat went straight to you know who! I went after him. I wanted to kill him. I would have killed him but he blew up that street and escaped into the sewers. The Aurors wouldn't listen when they came for me. I wasn't in my right mind. I paniced. I screamed and fought when they tried to hold me. They locked me up in Azkaban. When you know who took control of the ministry the Death Eaters were all released. I was left behind though. They left me alone on that windswept hell because of course they knew I'd never been on their side. They laughed when ordered the dementors not to kill laughter..."

"How did you get out?" Remus asked quietly.

"Last winter, I don't know why but, the dementors were called away. I was able to squeeze the bars as Padfoot. The swim to the mainland nearly killed me but I made it. I've been searching for you since. I couldn't believe it when I found you and Harry was with you." Turning to look at his godson he smiled and scooping the boy up, hugged him fiercely. "I'm sorry I haven't been there for you Harry," he whispered, "but I swear I won't leave you again."


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